9.04.2015

AM I A PERFECTIONIST? #FLAWLESSFRIDAY

I always believed being a perfectionist was a positive thing. In my head the word has always been linked to being fiercely ambitious. I'm talking Beyonce or Michelle Obama ambitious. Either that or it's the classic response to the job interview question "What do you feel your biggest weakness is?
It's kind of like the polite way of saying: I don't want you to think I have any weaknesses, so I'm just going to say my biggest weakness is just being far too awesome.
However I recently discovered what the true (and scary) definition of being a 'perfectionism' is. Researcher, author & TED Talk queen BrenĂ© Brown puts it perfectly:

“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: “If I look perfect, live perfectly, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”

Deep right?
Personally whenever I make something, write something, do something, just like plenty of other people I always want it to be the best I can do. And there's totally nothing wrong with that.
 In fact perfectionism is far different to working hard or doing what you do to a high standard.   
A perfectionist attitude says: What I do needs to be amazing so that I can prevent any negative feedback, or pain from others or myself. It's almost like putting a fearful, protective wall up around your personality, your work or your appearance. 
                        

It would be wonderful if we could live in a world with no mistakes, no imperfections, and no problems... but life just doesn't always roll that way folks *sigh*. Yet we try SO hard to make it a reality. Our music has to be the best, our fashion sense has to be the edgiest, and don't even get me started on the 198372 ways to contour the human face (I can't keep up.)
Living under the pressure to be accepted by others is just too exhausting - Can I get an amen?!

Now when I look back at super old YouTube videos or songs I've written, I have the occasional cringe fest (we all do it one way or another). 
I've also come to the conclusion that I will proabably have to explain to my children why I thought it was okay to wear half of the horrendous things that are in my wardrobe. The thing is...I now have no problem with that. I'm okay with trying different things, and I'm okay with getting it wrong.

 Watching how you've progressed and moved on is a beautiful thing, especially when you see how much you've learnt. Be free to work, create, live and dress for the love of it, not under the stress of it. There's nothing like the freedom to live from a place of pure love. To be who you are, learn from mistakes, learn and share with others and grow. That kind of living sounds much more freeing than beating yourself up because your hair will never flow like Kim Kardashian's. 
Thankfully we have weaves for that.

x



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3 comments

  1. I love this post - So poignant in an age of pervading ideals and expectations. I agree, it is a far more nurturing and free way of living than striving to achieve society's ideals of perfection. Your writing is always insightful, and having sought perfection in the past, I can relate to and admire your conclusion - That just 'being' rather than living under standards and expectations is a far more nurturing and loving way to live.

    Imogen xx

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  2. Thank you Imogen! It's super hard to live peacefully & happily whilst trying to fulfil everyones idea of perfect. You're very right! Hope you're having a lovely week xx

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  3. Thank you, and I hope you are having a lovely week too xx

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